my bloody wonderland

heartbreak sometimes leads to a new future

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 11:19:44 GMT

well i decided it was time to blog about whats happend lately.

im not with Dane anymore. for a month or so i was having second thoughts about our relationship. i didn't get to see him that much cause of the distance plus we both had little to no money. he never really called me unless he was coming over to see me, i always had to call him. i haden't even met his parents yet. so the weekend before my birthday my best friend decideds to fly down from washington to come visit me last minute. she could only stay the night cause she had to work the next night. so we went to SF to see one of our fav bands play, omg what an awesome show it was. so im feeling pretty good the next couple days and my birthday comes. all day and the next day i hear nothing from him. no phone call, email, no nothing. i started to get worried because he has never ignored me before. when i finally hear from him he says he's pissed because we "supposedly" had a date the night christina came to visit. oooooook why didn't i know about this? he didn't call me like he usually does the day we are supposed to see eachother. im sorry but he had no right to ignore me like that on my birthday. i didn't even know he was mad, ya gotta say something dummy!! after that i started thinking about all the lil things that bother me. i just didn't know what to do, i loved him so much but i didn't know if i could handle his bullshit. so he called me one night asking why we haven't really talk much. well for one i was sick in bed and two why he couldn't call me more often? the only time we talked was on IM. we got in to an argument and he pissed me off saying that its my fault for getting sick (like i could help it) and saying its my fault for him not seeing me, fucking bullshit. i was getting tired of being the man in the relationship, if i wanted to date a girl i would dammit. i want a man not a whiny bitch. so i told him i needed to think about things he said "if thats what you want then i'll leave u alone, call me when you wanna talk." then the next day he deletes his myspace and emails me saying that he doesn't wanna work it out because he feels like i put everything else above him. BULLSHIT!!! he was always my number one!! whatever...guess he didn't really love me then....he was just lying when he said i was the only one for him and he wanted to be with me forever..fuck him!!

yea it hurt...it always does but i think it just wasn't ment to be. right now i don't want a relationship. i mean if it happens it happens but im not going looking for it. its time to focus on myself, making me happy. i've been spending alot more time with friends and its been the best ever!! yea i get lonely....i miss having someone tell me they love me and such. one day i with meet mr.right, but im still young and mr.right now will do just fine hehe.

thanx for listening to all my bullshit lol (if you read all of it :P)

good night my darlings!

blah

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 13:37:18 GMT

well here i am again. its been a long time. im sick with a cold and can't sleep so i guess i'll post something.......things are bleh right now. can't find a job. don't get to see my bf much... my grama passed away right after my birthday :( i miss her so much..... i try to stay positive but..ehh.. its kinda hard. i just hope things get better soon.........

i guess i'll leave with a couple poems......

A GLIMPSE OF HAPPINESS

what do you see when you look at me?
do you see the real me or the person I pretend to be?
falling through life's empty abyss, I am consumed by loneliness.
I search for sweet solace, but find nothing to comfort me.
do you know what it's like in the dark, waiting in the empty silence?
it tares away my insides, exposing my wounds.
wanting to feel some form of compassion, I reach for you.
what is this feeling you have given me?
I look inside myself and see something begin to grow.
a sense of peace seems to be in reach.
I breath in your kindness like air into my lungs.
could it be I am no longer alone in this tired wasteland?
you cover me with love, something I have never known.
how can this be real, has a fairytale become reality?
the warmth of your touch tells me its true.
I want to feel you near me, covering every part of me.
take me into your arms and hold me through the storm.
I never thought I would make it alone, now I know I don't have to.

ONE TRUE LOVE

Your touch is electric
Your kiss is erotic
In your arms I come alive
Your love for me emanates from your soul
I breath you in,… taking you deep inside my very essence
You are my drug… I cannot resist you
Our bodies touch… a fiery passion burns between us
You are my dark prince
I am your vampire bride
every moment is absolute perfection
When we must part… my heart breaks till you return and mend it again
The stars in my sky… the light in my path..
That is what you are my love
You are my life partner…
My lover… my best friend…
You are my fairytale ending

a couple poems

Wed, 06 Jun 2007 22:27:01 GMT

haven't written anything in a while, thought it was about time.

~LOVE~
Nothing to lose, everything to gain.
No longer shall I feel such emptiness and pain.
You gave me hope when all I had was doubt.
You showed me what love was truly about.
You have me in your heart and you in mine.
A passionate love, our hearts intertwined.
Like fresh air in my lungs and the sun on my face.
You bring a new day to this dark and stormy place.
I feel safe here in your arms a peace I’ve never known.
I finally found what I’ve been looking for, I finally feel I am home.

~THE BLACK KISS~

Blood red lips graze your skin.
Soft, gentle hands wrap around your neck.
The voice of an angel she whispers into your ear.
Insane with lust you pull her close.
What does this gorgeous creature have in store for you.

You begin a dance of lips on skin
Falling deeper into this enchantress' spell
Taking in her sweet splendor you crave more
Aching to have your way with her

Little do you know she is in control
She breaths in the sent of your flesh
Placing her lips on your neck
You feel yourself succumb to her need

A sharp pain as teeth pierce your skin
Then a sense of pure bliss follows
Drinking up your sweet nectar she purrs in delight
Suddenly you feel yourself growing weak

Trying to free yourself of her death grip
You fight her but to no avail
This is your final moment in this world
She cradles you like a child as you fade into black

quiz time

Mon, 28 May 2007 05:44:52 GMT

What type of Girl are you?

Sports girl
You love to take challenges and you like to prove to the guys that you are able to do the same things they can and even better! Appearence is no that important to you only on dates

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic</font>

</div>

What type of goddess are you?

Simple Goddess
You're a simple girl. You are smart, down to earth and beautiful on the inside, as well as on the outside. You like to donate money to causes and your sweet smiley personality can brighten up anyones day.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic</font>

</div>

What Stereotype are you?

Goth
You are an incredibly dark person. That't hot.
You fit mostly in the genre of Goth. That's pretty hardcore, you are straight out honest person wether its mean or not. you're true to yourself and don't give a shit of what anyone thinks.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic</font>

</div>

What do your eyes say about you?

Blue
Blue - Your eyes show your softness in the place it stands out. You are deep and smart. You care about people more then you allow yourself to believe. You arent really the kind to backstab but when people get on your bad side they really should take a hint and back off. You are a great friend. When you love someone that loves you back you stay with them for as long as it is. You become attached to something easily. You are the hardcore person in your clique. People respect you a lot and love you all the same, you are most definitely the people kind of person. You use humor to cheer someone up. You are the sweet kind of person who cares a lot.

well, i hope ya like the quiz :)

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic</font>

</div>

what type of fairy are you?

love fairy
you love colors like pink, red, and white. you are witty and friendly, and like to meet new people. when you think love will last for someone, you are happy, grateful, and joyful.

How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic</font>

</div>

I Don't Need You To Make Me Happy

Wed, 09 May 2007 00:31:51 GMT

all the assholes i've dated were nothing. i gave them my heart and they ripped it up, so what? they didn't deserve me. if they can't see what i have to offer then they really missed out. i know im not the most beautiful girl in the world but dammit im hot lol. im one of the nicest person you'll ever meet unless you really piss me off, then watch out lol. im sweet and loving and just hella chill. im not picky at all, if you have a great personality and your cute you'll most likely have a chance with me. i don't like expensive gifts if im in a relationship, its the little things that matter to me. i'd rather go get burgers and do something fun than have dinner at an expensive restraunt. i don't expect you to devote every waking moment with me. if you need time to yourself or with your friends thats just fine.

all i ask of the man im with is show me love and i'll give you love. thats it!!! if you wanna just use me for sex? then your fucking gone. if you wanna cheat on me? see ya i can do better. im sick of dating men who only see me as one thing. just because i love sex dosen't mean your gonna get it. if things are going good and we click really well, then yea you might have a chance. but don't think for one second that im easy cause i'll fucking rip you a new asshole if you say shit like that to me!!! i know im a tease. i may portray myself a certin way in my pictures and on my myspace profile, but i like to dress sexy and be sexy.

you can think whatever you want about me, the only thing that matters is i know im a good catch.

now i will finnish with a few of my favorite quotes ^_^

"no one can make you feel inferiour without your permisson" Eleonor Roosovelt

"the greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return" - Moulin Rouge

"it can't rain all the time" - The Crow

im so fucking happy!!!!

Thu, 03 May 2007 23:41:58 GMT

im finally starting to lose weight woot!!. january i believe, i weighed 243lbs. about two months ago i weighed in at 231lbs. now at my doctors visit i weighed in at 223lbs.holy fuck!!!!! i haven't been around 220lbs in about a year.im so fucking happy right now. it just goes to show you, eating a lil healthier, getting a lil exercise, and drinking lots of water works just fine. i mean im not cutting anything out when it comes to food.i just cut out snacking completly and instead of fulling my plate with as much food as i can it eat smaller portions of each thing.

i feel so much beter about myself and i have alot more energy. heheh now i have alt more energy to have some naughty fun :P when i find the right guy of course lol.

FIRST REACTION

Thu, 03 May 2007 02:47:18 GMT

FIRST REACTION

1. Cigarettes: disgusting

3. Relationships: hard

4. Your Last Ex: loves his pink hat

5. Football: RAIDERS!!!

6. Crack: kills

7. Food: macaroni

8. President: jackass!!

9. War: pointless

10. Cars: driving fast!!!!!!!!

11. Gas Prices: too damn high

13. Bon Jovi: slippery when wet

14. Religion: christian

15. MySpace: addict

16. Fear: failure

18. trees: tall

19. Blondes: peroxide

20. Brunette: plain

21. Politics: boring

23. One Night Stands: pointless

24. Cell phones: vibrate

27. Vanilla Ice Cream: with chocolate chips

28. Porta potties: eewwww

29. High School: bad memories

30. Pajamas: snuggly

31. Wet Socks: nasty

33. Alcohol: goooooooood!!!

34.The word HATE: used too lightly

35. My best friend(s): are my bitches and you can't have them muahahahahahaha

36. Single or taken? single

37. Heartache: i know it too well

38. Love: something special

40. Divorce: only for the weak hearted

41. Parents: safe

42. children: someday

43. coffee: starbucks!!!!!

44. music: means everything to me!!!!!

45. soccer: snoozeville

46. pot: yummy *wink*

47.Strippers: over rated

48. work: money

49: Quizzes: past time

50. Big Big: what?

51. college: someday

52. Shopping: fun

Thu, 03 May 2007 02:43:21 GMT

ok well alot has happend since my last post.my nana is doing just fine. she's basically back to the way she was before she went into the hospital, still dosen't really know who we are. atleast we get a lil more time with her.

haven't really been in a relationship since the last one. just dating and having fun. met a couple of really great guys and met my share of assholes.but whats new right? lol. im not really looking for a relationship right now. im acctually happy being single and not having to worry about things like that.i mean if the right guy comes along sure ya know, i'll be open to a relationship.but for now im not letting it get to me. the best part, i can flirt all i want lol.im sure you know how much i like to flirt :P

besides trying to find job and get my drivers licence, right now im just trying to focus on having fun. spending time with my friends,going to shows,just being silly.i really missed that.april 20th was just what i needed to remind myself its ok to have fun and do silly shit.
besides it being 420 lol my friend tammy and i decided to take one day and just have fun. we spent most of the day in berkley looking at shops.we stopped at the buffalo exchange to look around a bit.i found an awesomely sexy skit from torrid for $15.then we spotted them, these awesomely chessy, hippy looking sunglasses.one was blue and the other pink. as soon as we tried them on i said "we HAVE to buy these just to take pics for myspace". hahahaha priceless. afterwards, we decided to head to san francisco for the show we were going to. well it was a good thing we left hella early cause we got so fucking lost trying to find the place lol. trying to tell tammy the directions while we are both laughing our asses off was really interesting.but we finally got there and the place was awesome. i have to say out of all the shows we have been to, that one was the all time best. all of the bands were fucking awesome. the energy in the room was so amazing i felt like i was on cloud nine. that was one of the best days i've ever had in my life.it made me relize how important the lil things in life really are. i love my friends more than anything, i'd die for them.

well thats all for now. i plan on posting here more from now on.

Getting Dumped The Day After Valentine's Day Sucks

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 22:39:48 GMT

i had the best guy in the world.he was sweet,kind,funny,and made me feel comfortable enough to be myself.we had so much in common and clicked instantly.he treated me better than anyone i've ever been with.i fell in love from the monment i saw him.i knew from that moment i wanted to send the rest of my life with him.but all of that changed.

he broke my heart and left me for someone else.i did nothing wrong,but he felt i had hurt him in some way and desided to end it via myspace (fucking bullshit).now im lost lonely and confused.i don't know what love is anymore.all i asked was for him to love me and i'll love him in return.i guess i loved him to much.im giving up.loving someone like that has no meaning anymore if all it does is make them hurt me. what is wrong with me that makes every guy i've loved leave me for someone else?? am i that horrible?? are you that discusted with me??

ok im done with the emo rant.im just confused.i'f he was so quick to end the relationship like that,it makes me wonder if anything he said to me was true.i think it was all a lie.he never loved me.i was just someone to help him through those lonely nights untill he found someone else.such an imature bastard.well it's his fucking loss.im still sad but if he wants to leave me for that whore than whatever.hope your happy asshole!!!

someday he's gonna relize what he did and be like "fuck what have i done,how did i let a great girl like that get away". but there is no way in fucking hell i'll take him back.he blew his chance.i don't give second chances anymore.

now i get to have fun with friends,live life how i want, and move on with my life.i think this is gonna be good for me.im looking forward to the future.

that is all

sarah

I Have Returned Once Again!!!

Sat, 27 Jan 2007 08:28:38 GMT

yay im back lol.so much has happend since i last posted.so i'll just go over the big things. last year i lost my papa on my dad's side as well as my grammy(my dads stepmom).now my nana just had some kind of a stroke.she's home now and she's ok but she was in the hospital for about a week.the doctor's still don't know what happend.im worried,i mean part of me wants her to get better but the other part of me doesn't want her too suffer anymore.i don't know.........im so close with her.i mean besides my parents i spent most of my childhood with her.she's taught me so much and i love every moment i spend with her.but since she's had Alzheimer's its like she's not home ya know? she's here,i can talk to her but she dosen't know me.*sigh* all i can do is pray and hope for the best.

also i passed my GED last year yay!!! i got a Diploma and everything!! woot yay me lol.right now im looking to get my driver's licence and go to school.im thinking of doing photography.its always been a passion of mine so why not? lol.also i think it would be cool to take an automotive class,just learn the basics.

finnaly i am pleased to report im dating someone very special right now.we met through a personals ad on craigslist.com.we clicked right away.we have alot in common too.its kind of funny case at first i wasn't expecting anything from the ad.His name is Sean Patrick Harper,he's 27 and lives in hayward.he's the sweetest guy you'll ever meet.he's a complet dork but i love it! oh and he can sing *melts* i love it when he sings to me especially in that irish acent *blush*.yes he is an irishman.he's just so perfect for me,and he really does care about me deeply.never once did he try to pressure me into anything i didn't want.in fact our first date was mostly cuddling,talking,and watching movies.but somethings different this time.every single guy i've been with,it took me forever to open up to them.i get uber shy and barely talk.but that never happend with sean.im so fucking comfortable with him its kinda scary lol.i mean he gets me,he understands me like most of my friends do.i am seriously falling for this guy *blushes* but im still taking it slow.the last thing i want is to rush things again.hopefully things turn out ok.

well thats it for now. more updates to come!!

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 07:35:29 GMT

ok so im single again.well acctually i've been single for about a month now.i just have been lazy about updating my lj.but basically he said he didn't have as much time for me as i deserved.but something told me there was more to it.anyways its over and im ok with it.

i've been dating now and im enjoying it.just having fun and not being tied down.i still want to find the right guy to be in a relationship with but im taking it slow this time.oh the fun i have had *giggles*

100 little things

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 21:34:18 GMT

---{100 Little Things You Didn't Know About Me}---

1. Full Name: Sarah
2. Nicknames: star,clover
3. Birthday: 9/18/86
4. Place of Birth: alameda, CA
5. Zodiac Sign: virgo
6. Male or Female: female
7. Grade: not in school no more
8. School: see above
9. Occupation: writer, professional couch potato
10. Residence: Home
11. Screen Name: starfire5150@sbcglobal.net
__Your Appearance___

12. Hair Color: red for now
13. Hair Length: above shoulders
14. Eye color: blue
15. Best Feature: eyes i guess
16. Height: 5'6
17. Braces?: nope
18. Glasses?: Nope
19. Piercing: ears and soon to be my tounge
20. Tattoos: none yet
21. Righty or Lefty: righty

___Your 'Firsts'___

22. First best friend: elizabeth
23. First Award: can't remember
24. First Sport You Joined: soccor
25. First pet: Kitty
26. First Real Vacation: camping
27. First Concert: backstreet boys...........WHAT? I WAS 12 OK?!?!?!?!
28. First Love: no comment

___ Favorites___
29. Movie: The Crow
31. Colors: Black and red
32. Rapper: fuck this question
33. Band: evanescence
34. Song: hmmmmm ask again later
35. Friend: All my friends are my favourites
36. Candy: 100 grand bar
37. Sport to Play: sports are for heathy people
38. Restaurant: ummm food?
39. Favorite brand to wear: i don't pay attention to that
40. Store: hot topic
41. School Subject: art
42. Animal: cats and pandas
43. Book: the chronicals of narnia
44. Magazine: tattoo world, gothic beauty,or any metal magazine.
45. Shoes: i dunno

___Currently___

46. Feeling: sleepy and hungry
47. Needing: food
48. Have a crush: its more than a crush
49. Eating: nothing :(
50. Drinking: gree tea
51. Typing: This LJ entry
52. Online?: what the fuck kinda of question is that
53. Listening To: "you" by Evanescence
54. Thinking About: Tim
55. Wanting To: be with Tim right now.........eating lunch lol
56. Watching: my words flow on the screen
57. Wearing: a t-shirt and boxers

__________Future__________

58. Want Kids?: yes
59. Want to be Married?: i would love that
61. Where do you want to live: dunno. some place nice
62. Car: as long as it gets me from point A to point B

__Which is Better With The Opposite Sex___

63. Hair color: don't care
64. Hair length: again don't care
65. Eye color: i love green eyes but any is good
66. Measurements: no bean polls
67. Cute or Sexy: Cute
68. Lips or Eyes: Eyes
69. Hugs or Kisses: I'll take both thank you very much
70. Short or Tall: tall
71. Easygoing or serious: Both are good
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: again both are good
73. Fatty or Skinny: dosen't matter
74. Sensitive or Loud: both
75. Hook-up or Relationship: Relationship
76. Sweet or Caring: gotta go with both
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: both

___Have you ever______

78. Kissed a Stranger: yes :P
79. Had Alcohol: Yes
80. Smoked: smoked what?
81. Ran Away From Home: nope
82. Broken a bone: nope
83. Got an X-ray: yes
84. Had sex: yes
85. Broken Someones Heart: *sigh* yes
86. Broke Up With Someone: yes
87. Cried When Someone Died: i always cry when someone dies
88. Cried At School: once

___Do You Believe In___

89. God: Yes
90. Miracles: hell yeah
91. Love At First sight: no i belive blind people can fall in love too
92. Ghosts: yes
93. Aliens: yep yep
94. Soul Mates: i dunno
95. Heaven: Yes
96. Hell: Yes
97. Angels: Yes
98. Kissing on The First Date: of course
99. Horoscopes: no

___Answer Truthfully___

100. Is There Someone You Want But You Know You Can't have?: nope

ok im back

Sat, 16 Sep 2006 07:21:12 GMT

im so lazy about writing in here lol.

but anyways,so my birthday is on monday.im so excited,can't call me a teen anymore i'll be 20.im not sure whats gonna happen.i want to have a party but its just a matter of when.i kinda wanted to go to las vegas but i thought i'd save that for my 21st birthday.i just want the usual,a party with all my friends,get drunk,get high,do some kareoke lol.the thing i hate about birthdays is finding a day when all my friends are not working.ahhhh its crazy.

oh yeah ummm im back with tim.i know i said it was over, but well things change.the longer i went without him the more i missed him.it took just one night of complet and utter depression and lonliness to really see how much i cared for him.i know it sounds so cliche but i was sitting at my computer crying my eyes out and talking to him.all i wanted was for tim to hold me.out of all the guys i could possibly have been with,the one person that came to mind was tim.so a couple days later we went to a show (the same exact place we got together).sat on the same couch and flirted with eachother.he started texting something on his phone,i thought it was to our friend tammy who we came with.but then he handed me the phone and it said "i miss you" with a heart.i huged him and said i missed him too.he started texting again but this time it said "please take me back".i normally wouldn't fall for something so cheesy but no one has ever even thought to do something like that for me before.eventhough we were at a show with a bunch of friends he spent the whole night with me.i just couldn't let him go again.

we have been together for 3 months now and im so happy.we are closer than ever.

i...............i think i might.......love him.............

its for the best

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 22:57:24 GMT

well im single again.after alot of talking we desided to end it.i just didn't feel the same way anymore.i still care about him but i think its better for us to remain friends.im so happy he still wants to be friends.i was afraid he wouldn't.he said "of course i still wanna be friends,your an awesome girl and i love to hangout with you."

i don't think im gonna have another relationship for a while.when im ready im gonna try just dating.im still sad that its over but at the same time im excited to start dating again.is that bad?

well i guess thats it for now i might write later tonight.

later

fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 01:08:24 GMT

right when i start to think i might find some happieness someone stabs me in the heart.i feel so stupid.

the guy im with right now,tim,just totally broke my heart.i found out he still has feelings for someone else.one of my best friends,tammy.WTF?? if he is so happy with me then why is he so pissed that tammy has a new bf?? someone please explain that to me!!! she dosen't like him like that.she see's him as just a friend.its like he still hopes he can be with her.but the fact that he said this right to my face is what kills me.he dosen't even relisize what he said.

oh and to make it even worse.the other day we were talking and he says to me "if i had higher standards i wouldn't be with you right now."

WHAT THE FUCK?????? WHO SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO SOMEONE THEY CARE ABOUT????

i don't know what to do.i still care about him and don't wanna hurt him but...........he hurt me.why do i have to care so much??? everyone i've talked to has said to dump him.

i just don't fuckin know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!

been a while lol

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 09:08:57 GMT

wow its been a long time since i've written anything here.alot has happened since my last rant,so i won't bore you with details.

had a really good day today.woke up feeling kinda lazy.but after a couple cups of coffee i felt better.then tammy calls and asks if i want to go to san fransico.sure as hell beats staying home.it was save the air day so bart and bus was free.woohoo lol so we met up with some more friends then took the bart too frisco.soon as we got to frisco we got on a ferry and went to sosalito(sp).it was my first time there but i hella love it!! kind of a small town with lots of little shops.we stopped and got clam chowder bread bowls.omg it was so yummy.fresh clam chowder,none of that canned shit!then we sat next to the dock and talked and took pics while waiting for the ferry.once we were back in frisco we walked up and down market street looking at different stores,went to the mall on powell st.then headed home.

it was a pretty awesome day.haven't had much of those lately.i was really happy to see tim too.its weird we have only been together a month and a half but we can't stand being away from eachother.we've become so close.i haven't been this happy in a long time.he is so good to me :) he calls me everyday,even on his lunch break at work.its kinda silly but he calls me in the morning just to say "good morning sweetie".hehe i've never been with someone like him before.he gives just as much attention to me as i do him.unlike in my past relationships when i was the one doing all the work.he even bought me this really pretty necklece.i just feel so comfortable around him.i can acctually sit and talk with him for hours and he listens and understands what im saying.*sigh* i just hope it lasts.

tomarrow im going to a party woot!my friends getting evicted from his house so he's having one last huge party.i can't wait,hella people are gonna be there.i think im gonna sleep over at tim's though.im sure my parents would love me coming home piss drunk lol.

well im getting kinda tired so good night

*kisses*
sarah

fuckin drama!!

Mon, 27 Feb 2006 06:24:24 GMT

friday night was one of the best nights i've had in a while.out on a date with an awesome guy,hearing some awesome bands,playing some pool.then going back to his place and falling asleep in eachothers arms.i finally get home around 4:30pm the next day,get on the computer only to have drama start.the show i went to had maybe five bands playing.i was only aware of one.when i get there i see brandon on stage rockin out.i was really happy to see them play.they actually sounded awesome.once they were done i went over to say hi.i said the usual "hey whats up,nice to see you,u guys were awesome",and gave him a hug.then i went back to my date, james.a little later me and james go back to his place for some quarters.when we returned i get branden all up in my face saying "where did you go?" i just said "we left for a little bit and came back" and left it at that.

now im home and i sign on to aim and there's brandon asking me wtf happened.at first i didn't know what he was talking about.then he goes on saying i dissed him,that he wanted to hang out with me but i brushed him off. i tried to tell him i was on a first date and it felt rude to leave james to talk to another guy.then he says "what you show up to my show and expect me not to hang with you? how could you not know i was playing?" and "if you had told me you were on a date i would have left you alone and not spend the whole night pissed at you."

WTF?i shouldn't have to tell him "oh im sorry im on a date see ya!" i mean who the fuck does he think he is? just because i show up at ur show dosen't obegate me to hangout with you.if he had a problem he should have said something to me. to be honest,he's just fucking jelous! he knows now that im completly over him! im hanging all over some other guy and he can't take it! evertime he'd break up with a gf i'd be there fawning over him bringing his ego back up.then he'd move on to some new chick.eventually i got sick of fuckin waiting for him and moved on.i no longer find him attractive and i've begun to see how selfish and egotistical he is.i fuckin thank god he didn't persue a relationship with me because i could not handle that shit.i was nothing but there for him.when he had problems with his gf i listened to him complain,when he was feeling down i tried to make him feel better.then he calls ME ungratful? he never calls me.if i email him he either doesn't answer or he writes one sentance.half the time if i wanted to hang out with him he was either too busy,or he would flake on me.

if he wants to throw away our friendship over something as trivial as this, then we didn't have much of a friendship to begin with.

i can't write anymore. i'll post later

FUCK GUYS!!!!!

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 00:16:04 GMT

ok i give up.im done with guys,relationships,crushes,all of it!im sick of trying to impress guys,trying to get them to like me.wasting my time on guys saying they wanna be with be me then backing out.guys yo-yoing with my heart,saying they like me then saying they just wanna be friends.guys telling me they need time but they just don't wanna tell me the truth.

im just done with it!im gonna focus on getting my GED,my driviers licence,getting a job,and moving put of my parents house.

FUCK YOU! ALL OF YOU MEN!!!

just a couple drawings

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 23:42:41 GMT

hello

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 11:16:57 GMT

hey evrey one im drunk hehehehhe i love alcohal its so yummyness i want some love i need a man im so lonley hey i don't know hehehehe

sleep deprevation

Fri, 21 Oct 2005 12:51:55 GMT

grrrr i can't sleep.im really tired.i ended up writing some stories.i'll post them but i warn you they are sexual stories.so if you don't like it don't read it.

LATE NIGHT LUST

i was looking through my yahoo IM archive at the talks we had in the past and they were getting me all hot and bothered.
so i went in my room put on somthing sexy and proceded the touch myself.gently caressing my body.
squeezing my firm supple breasts as you would do.teasing myself,playing with my nipples.i slowly move my hands down my body
over my stomache to my legs.my fingers gently caressing my thighs.then i move towards my juicy center.
i rub my wet pussy feeling the wetness dripping out.parting my lips, istart to gently tease my clit.
gently rubbing my clit and slightly probing my fingers inside me,i feel my juices trickle down towards my ass.
teaseing myself getting my self wetter, then taking it away to increase my lust.all i can think about is you.wanting it to be you touching me.
then i couldn't take it anymore i took out my hairbrush and started pounding my pussy.when it first entered me i felt this surge of pleasure all through my body,letting out little
whimpers and moans.hard and rough i started pounding my pussy imagining it was your powerful cock giving me such pleasure.at the same
time i rub my clit hard and fast and feel my sweetness drip down soaking the bed.
going as hard and as fast as i can.all i can think of is you and how bad i wanted to cum.
then i feel myself close to cumming i whisper your name saying "fuck me james! fuck me hard" hoping no one heard me.
at last i feel the most amazing orgsam i have felt in a long time .i cum so hard with juice spilling on to my hand and my already soaked sheets.
i flopped back on the bed and cuddled with a pillow, having no energy to clean myself up. all i can do is say "thank you james" as i drift off to sleep.

A MAN'S FANTACY

so you have a new toy.
i wish i could be there to watch you use it.
your friend is with you?
i bet she likes your toy as well.
i'd love to you two play with it.
you giving it to yourself.
lost in pleasure.
and her sitting there facinated creaming her pants watching.
does that sound like a fun idea to you?
I can imagine it now.
you making all kinds of noise.
obviously enjoying your new toy.
her mesmerised.
unable to pull her eyes away.
slowly a wet spot can be seen spreading thru the crotch of her pants.
the feeling building untill she can't help herself and she begins to touch herself.
the both of you screaming in pleasure as you masterbate together.
of course with your toy you cum first.
but by now she's too lost in sensesation to notice you've stopped.
then you realise that she's still masterbating.
you grow wet as an idea creeps into your head.
you move over to you friend and watch her for a moment as she franticly fingers herself.
a wicked little smile comes to your face.
you move in closer and place your hand alongside hers as you take her breast in your mouth and suck at the nipple.
she suddenly realises what's happening.
but it's too late.
as she pulls her hand away it just gives you beter access to her.
you beging playing with her.
useing her like your toy.
playing her arousal and pleasure like some kind of perverded insterment.
you kiss her gently on the lips and she gives herself over to you.
gives in to what your doing to her.
sensing this now the real fun can begin.
you move your head down between her legs and feast on her center.
devowering her arousal.
you move up to her clit and start your erotic treatment.
her body becomes weak from the sensations you send shooting through her body.
you tease her mercylessly.
you hold her on the edge of orgasim.
drive her insane with lust.
hearing her beg and plead you to let her cum.
but you don't.
laping every scream,every moan,every plea holding her there.
driping down your thighs in arousal.
finaly you let her cum.
you let her rest a moment and regain enough of herself to do what you need her to do.
you straddle her head and resume playing with her.
she begins to devour you in her lust crazed stupor.
and grabing your toy you again begin your slow torment of your friends pussy.
you friend eating you franticly.
you cream on her face.
but still you toy with her.
you bring her colse to edge again and command her to get you off.
or else you'll never let her cum.
desprate to get off she attacks your pussy with all she has.
you cum quiclky.
but you being the big slut you are make her do it once more before you grant her sweet relase.
you both colapse from the effort.
and cuddle for several min.
saveing up streainght for later. ~_^

hello again

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 06:22:00 GMT

wow it's been a long time since i updated.well lets see,where to start............
i am no longer with jody.i thought i was in love, but i guess i was only in love with being in love if that makes any sense.but im ok now.i do miss having a bf, but im ok for now.but one thing i really miss is sex.i know that sounds bad but sex is awesome.if i had to do it over i wouldn't have given myself to him so quickly.but i can't change the past.i really miss sex though.i mean we did it so much it surprised some of my friends as well as myself.i can't even go three days with out masterbating.i mean thats fine for now but what happens when a really cute guy comes along and he really likes me?whats gonna happen with all my pent up hormones?i don't know if i'll be able to control myself.well i was able to control myself when that one guy was feeling me up so maybe i can.

but anyways enough of that

ummm im going camping this weekend.i can't wait.i love camping.it's so much fun.i was thinking about doing that for my b-day party but i don't know.

well thats it for now.

sarah

im back!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 06:22:06 GMT

hello all.i know its been a while since i updated.well im going on vacation.we are going to monterey.it's going to be fun.it'll be nice to getaway.my bestest friend in the whole world is finally coming it visit.yaaaaa!!!!!!!!!! im so happy!i can't wait to see her.i miss her so much. yay we finally get to have a sleeo over yay!!!

well this might sound crazy.but i think im in love.we talk every night.last night we talk for two straite hours!i've never talk that long on the phone,ever.he always tells me how much he misses me.i swear we say "i miss you" like 5-6 times (at the least) a day.he's so sweet.he even said he could see himself setteling(sp) down with me.i have never been this happy.i love him so much.did i just say that?

pleasent nightmares
and lucid dreams

"robin.....who is this girl?...and why does she call you poo?

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 06:05:01 GMT

7 things in your room-	cd player,cd's,dvd's,posters,books,my bed,a desk
7 things that attract you to the opposite sex-	eyes,smile,personality,taste in music,sense of humar,smarts,spontinaity
read the news paper-	nope
pray-	yep
had sergury-	no
swam in the dark-	yep
been to a bonfire-	hell ya
ran away from home-	thought about it,but no
slept outdoors-	yep
pulled an all nighter-	yeppers
been in a mosh pit-	no
been on stage-	ya
gotten lost in the woods	ya,it was fun.
i am...-	a nice person
i miss...-	christina,my bestfriend
i fear...-	spiders
i hear...-	voices!muahahahahaha!
i search for...-	my true self
i ache...-	when someone is mad at me
i am not...-	judgemental
i sing...-	all the time
i cry...-	when im sad
i am not always...-	the brightest crayon in the box
i need...-	my piggy!!!!!!!!!i loved you piggy!!!!!
i get embaressed when...-	i say somthing stupid
*Who is???*
the wierdest person you know-	morph
the smartest-	christina
the funniest-	eddie
known longest-	erika
*do you...?*
like to cook-	love it
like to clean-	sometimes
like to sleep-	yep
like to shower-	yep
*Random.*
what do you hate-	fake people
sign-	virgo
time of day-	12:00pm
favorite drink-	dr.pepper
*in the last 24 hours have you...*
cried-	no
helped someone-	yep
bought something-	ya a mocha,mmmmmmmmmmm!
gone to the movies-	no
gone out to dinner-	no
said i love you-	yes
talked to an ex	hell no!
hugged someone-	yes
miss someone-	oh ya
had a serious talk with someone-	yep
*would you ever...*
eat a bug-	maybe,how much will you pay me?
hang glide/bungee jump-	HELL YA!
kil someone-	never
wear plaids and stripes-	yep
run a red light-	uh maybe
b e on survivor-	no
dye your hair red-	it is red
date someone 15 years older than you-	yep,age dosen't matter.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

"only if you dance with me!"

Tue, 07 Jun 2005 21:22:37 GMT

i just had the best weekend.my friends erika and eddie,as well as my boyfriend came down for the weekend.we went to golf n'games and played mineture golf.we spent all afternoon at the pool.then we went to the county fair.i haven't had that much fun in a long time.i hadn't been feeling that great lately so i really needed that.while we were at the fair i got this really cool wax mold of mine and jody's hands.

sorry about this last one being so big.i couldn't get it to shrink.